Third Culture Kid: 23 and I am still Lost.

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People may see me as the girl who has my life figured out but seriously I suck at “Adulting” -It ain’t easy since you came from a solid & tight Filipino family where the pressure is on you- Especially “Panganays” /First Born.

All my life I never knew what I wanted, been always fascinated to do this and that. Try out new things and sometimes give up on them because the fact that there are people who can be better than you or maybe it doesn’t seem any fun as times go by. Life is survival of the fittest and a competition- That’s why maybe I don’t feel good and confident all the time.

Growing up I used to be Ms. Goody two shoes, the obedient daughter,the one snagging honors, rewards and join every extra curricular activity like in student government and all the clubs, name it. That was my “try-hard” phase back when my turf was at a local Filipino community school back in the middle east – Yes, I am a Third Culture Kid. But I am very much Filipino, the thing with the kind of life we OFW kids have is that we are too sheltered. That’s why maybe when I was in the Philippines, “Kaunting hirap lang, bigay na”/ Just a little hardship, we give up easily”. – kinda TRUE to some.

When I graduated High school, I never knew what course I wanted- I just listened to my mom and dad. “You be a NARS, anak” like every Filipino parent encourages their kid to take. I wanted to take fashion design or media but my dad says only gays are the ones who are lucky in that field.

Being a nurse abroad would mean a better and secured life. I realized I wasn’t good at it, tempted to shift many times but still landed being a NURSE. I was on my third year and I was like just a little more sacrifice since I’ll be done in a year, maybe it was my destiny to be a registered nurse- all the tears and sacrifices were worth it. Then I realized that in Nursing you can be in different careers and when you decide to be settle down, you can always go back then you can provide the life you want for your future kids, the kind of life my parents gave me. Mostly I’ve encountered nursing graduates who shifted careers but came back to nursing.

Well I enjoyed my college days on the side I would join my bestfriend on her blogging events that is how I got dragged into the blogging world. After passing the boards when I volunteered as a clinic nurse and trained for a hospital facility, after a tiring day, I still have the energy to blog and attend events. Blogging just came to my life unexpectedly- I was already outgoing ever since but this shaped me to be a better person with more wisdom, better writer and more confidence.

I thought crawling out of nursing was the hardest- next thing is to get a JOB. Well I’ve always had a dream of being this next multimedia star but it seems the world wasn’t on my shoulders. It’s okay to dream big and chase for your dreams because it’s FREE but sometimes it is not for everyone- maybe God has better plans.

I did auditions and became part of a talent agency for extras but was too chicken to ask for help, tell people about my dream and audition for the big leagues maybe because I wasn’t confident- because I was chubby and not that pretty. Been a frustration ever since (being chubby and not one of the pretty girls- but it’s OKAY.) I really like public speaking, never ever can explain that phenomenon, public speaking not like oration and declamation kind of stuff.

For the longest time I was a graduate I leaned over the nursing side because that is the only credentials I had and I was to chicken to tell people what I wanted. Then I realized lots of things, In life you don’t always get what you want – it’s either you work really really hard or that thing is meant for you. It’s all about GROWING UP. Another, despite of the many things I want to do in my life only choose ONE.

Now I am sitting on my bed writing this waiting for an opportunity for me to stay here and be stable her in the Philippines (Admit it, it is more fun in the Philippines- if you have money.) I have an ultimatum, If nothing happens I will be flying to another country to study and apply to be a citizen there – for my family’s future because my mom and dad are not getting any younger and they are pressuring me to get out of the Philippines for the past few days.

I’ve applied to different industries and still on the verge of waiting because if you don’t do something, nothing will happen. I just don’t know what direction my life will be heading, If only I can turn back time, At 16 I was still young and I had no idea what to do. Now I tell myself not to regret the past and move forward there are still chances while being young. It’s not the end of the world.

Ending this piece. I told myself and to the other millennials reading this, IT IS OKAY to be lost in certain phase of your life you’ll figure things out, enjoy but don’t waste time. At the end of the day, It’s on you and don’t forget to PRAY. Be Smart too because with every decision you make it will benefit your FUTURE.

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